The Laws of Advice

When I was much younger (around 11), my dad hit me with the following statement:

"Steve-O, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him fuck fish."

Now, out of context most people would agree this isn't exactly sage advice for an 11 year old. And truth be told, I never took much away from it aside from my delinquent ass thinking that the idea of a horse trying to fuck a fish was absolutely hilarious. But now, almost 12 years later, my dad's questionable parenting tactics have inexplicably began to bare some relevancy as I do more and more research on the current state of Thailand's political infrastructure.

Before you assume I'm just trying to retrofit a tastelessly juvenile moment of my life to a topic that deserves a far more competent writer allow me to elaborate...

To start, the opposition against the Thai military Junta has borrowed a page straight from the playbooks of the ‘Occupy’ movement and has adopted the three finger salute illustrated in the Hunger Games film/book series as a symbol of revolt when forced to interact with military officials in specific districts of the city. As I’m writing this I can see a large poster across the street of a thai police officer with his arms drenched in white out and drawn over with the phrase ‘ทรราช’ or ‘Thrrach’, which simply translates to ‘tyrant’.

While the ‘Occupy’ movement was equipped with the mask from the film/graphic novel, ‘V for Vendetta’ the use of imagery from fictional dystopian tales has had a deep-seeded impact when attempting to rattle the cages of officials. The reason for this can only be explained by the widespread recognition of these symbols and how these moments of rebellion in the stories we read made us feel when we experienced them for the very first time. While all attempts to completely hinder the military’s push for national control has not been entirely successful, small battles have been won in the citizen’s favor. For one, the military has recently decided to lift the night curfews on several tourist destinations including Phuket, Pattya and Koh Samui— allowing tourist-based profit to fully flourish once again. Considering that a substantial number of Thai locals leave their homes in the more rural areas of the country in order to move south for the high season to boost their annual income, this was a step in the right direction. The curfews had most recently been reported to have caused a 27% decline in tourist visits in Phuket and an even sharper decline in Bangkok and Chiang Mai (the source on that figure was tepid at best so I’m currently trying to get that confirmed).

Okay, I bet you’re still wondering what my dad’s wisdom on free-will and decision making ability has to do with any of this.

Disclaimer: this metaphor is to be taken with about as much conviction as an episode of Futurama. Where you at, Vice??

Let’s say the body of water represents Thailand-- or more specifically, Bangkok. The fish can most appropriately symbolize members of the military. The horse is the physical manifestation of all the citizens that have opposed the actions of the military through silent protest. The fish are popping their heads up out of the water over and over to shout words of encouragement to the horse.

“Come on in! The water is much warmer than it was before. There’s no longer any sharks and look! We have one of those floatable chair things loaded with Corona and Whiskey. You’re missing out, man.”

  The horse (citizens) reply with a fairly reasonable and level-headed response:

 “Water is shit. Beer isn’t going to make shit not shit. We like our land. We can eat hay and not drown standing up. We’re going to stay here.”

The fish (military) then begin to get a bit desperate and impatient.
             
 “Well that sucks because all of this water is going to get bigger and bigger and eventually take over all of your land and when that happens you’ll have to either become a fish or pack up and leave.”

The horse says: “We want our land to stay the same size it is right now. We don’t want to have to be in our homes by 11 pm on a Saturday and we wish you would stop blocking major outlets of social media because we have no way of adding filters to our profile picture or friend requesting that Clydesdale we ate Pad Thai with last Tuesday.”

Alright, at this point the narrative of a horse communicating with fish as a way of depicting how the country is operating right now is downright embarrassing. On a more serious, less sophomoric note— word on the street is that the gym will soon be visited by a journalist that writes for the Fightland portion of Vice (if you haven’t heard of their work prior to this please take the time to check it out. Really impressive stuff). As well as a couple of stars in the American Muay Thai scene (no point in naming names until they’re actually here).

That’s all I’ve got for today, guys. I hope you didn’t waste more than 20 minutes reading this post. But if you did, god bless. I owe you one or eight beers.


‘Til next time. 

Three Months in Thailand: Day 10 at Sitmonchai Gym

I'm currently sitting down at the Amazon Cafe (exotic, I know) reflecting on the first 100 pages of Thomas Pynchon's Inherent Vice. Old man Eisman recommended it to me with the following addendum: 

 "I don't know, man. One minute they're talking about eating pussy and the next they're looking for a member of the Aryan Brotherhood. I don't remember the 60's being like that. And the main detective only eats chocolate bananas... I hate Thomas Pynchon. He's a genius. But I hate him." 

As you can tell, the man was born to be a book critic.

Okay, onto trip logistics: I'm staying the grand majority of my 12 weeks here training at the Sitmonchai gym in the Tha Maka district of the Kanchanaburi Province (about 120 kilometers west of Bangkok). The area is quaint, and offers very little in the way of entertainment. Which for aspiring athletes coming to Thailand to train, is ideal. Aside from not being anywhere near a beach, I couldn't ask for a better environment to supplement the daily grind. 

In recent years the Sitmonchai gym has garnished a healthy following around the globe for it's warm welcoming of foreign nak muays and it's notoriously lauded 'Sitmonchai' style of kickboxing. A signature pattern for fighters that hail from the gym consists of putting a heavy emphasis on boxing and powerful outside low kicks-- a game-plan that rarely allows fights to go past the second of third round.

Because of the high demand of people who want to train at the gym there is a twelve person limit on how many foreigners can stay at any given time. Needless to say I was very lucky to have been able to book my spot when I did. 

After roughly a week and a half of gradually acclimating to the training schedule (two hour sessions, twice a day, six days a week) I can say with confidence that I will not be training at any other gyms for future trips. The Sitmonchai gym is unheralded in its' acceptance of foreigners and in the trainer's enthusiasm that comes with seeing you get sharper day by day. While those are both important traits of a gym you want to train at I think the most impressive aspect of this place is the owner. Pee A has owned the gym with his family for over over thirty years and despite nearly a generation worth of seeing fighters come and go he monitors all newcomers with a close eye to make sure you are getting enough food and rest while adjusting to the climate/training schedule. To put it simply, his commitment and care for our small community is unimaginably giving. Coupled with Abigail's incredible work as the gym's chief manager, the duo creates a near perfect training experience for everyone. 

While my primary focus here is training and eventually lining up a fight in Bangkok, I am still very much determined to be able to cover some semblance of the political upheaval that has recently left its' mark throughout a large portion of the central/northern region of the country. When the opportunity presents itself to ask locals questions about how it has affected daily living the feedback is nearly universal:

"This happens every single year. The relationship between the monarchy and the military will always be strained. We find it unusual that the US all of a sudden has become so interested in our affairs when this sort of unrest has been a growing concern for ages."

I may be completely out to lunch, but this response took me by surprise. Calling the local's opinion on the entire situation apathetic would be a generous adjective. But I'm not going to lose faith just yet. The details of this military coup aren't gone, they're just lying dormant. And at the end of the day, that sounds like a much better scenario than Bangkok gradually becoming the next Cairo. 

That's it from me, guys. I miss each and every one of you. As well as Chipotle, DP Dough's, the Flatirons, college girls, Pearl Street and my Honda. I'll have another post up within ten days or so. One love, everyone.